Nicole's Checkup

Yesterday Nicole had a checkup at the Eye Clinic.  It started off with some eye testing that involved showing her some black and white striped squares.

She did great with both eyes open....not so good with her strong eye patched.  The girl testing told us not to worry, that it takes awhile to get good results and proper, accurate testing done since she was so young.
We were then called in by the Resident for an examination.  She asked me if we had any concerns and I told her not really, just curious about why Nicole's weaker eye was a lighter color (the same question I've asked previously but never really gotten an answer).  She responds with there's an obvious size difference in her eyes and that can manifest itself in the iris.  Huh?  What?  Size difference?  Apparently Nicole's PHPV eye looks larger than her other eye.  Now I feel like the horrible mother who didn't notice.  And apparently her cornea is quite cloudy.  Again, something I truthfully hadn't noticed.  Maybe for a moment I'd thought about it but always put it down to the contact lens.  She asked me if I had noticed any discharge or tearing....nope and nope.  I knew where this was going.  Was it glaucoma???  Then began the incessant attempts at getting a good pressure reading in her eye.  The fussier Nicole is the less accurate the readings.  The Resident finally gave up and went to get Dr. T.  In the meantime I gave Nicole a bottle.  She was so wiped that she passed out by the time Dr. T. showed up.  This gave her a good opportunity to exam Nicole.  They told us they like to see pressures in children this age below 10.  Pressure in the strong eye was 8.  Pressure in the PHPV eye was 27.  My heart sank.  I fought back the tears.  And then they said it....examination under sedation.  Oh God.  Here we go again.  Starving my baby so that I can force feed her some horrible medicine that burns going down to put her out so that people can stick their fingers in her eye without her complaining.  And my tears started flowing. 
I kept telling myself it could be worse.  There were moms in that hospital crying tears for babies they'll never take home.  While waiting there were stat calls to ER Trauma for the Respiratory Therapist (being one I know that's not good) followed quickly by stat calls for the Neurosurgeon to the same place.  That mom was crying different tears than me.  I know.  I know I will take my girl home and she will grow to be a feisty, confident, beautiful woman.  But right now it sucks.  We are tired of telling ourselves it could be worse cause you know what?  It could be a hell of a lot better too.  OK big breath.  Things will be OK.
Back to the appointment....we were sent home with three eye drops (one that incidentally is sold for cosmetic purposes....for long eyelashes....lovely).  We are to give the eye drops and come prepared on Tuesday for an exam under sedation.  This means no food for Nicole after 2:30am.  Dr. T will try to examine my Pumpkin awake but if needed she will be sedated.  I am going with the mindset that she will be sedated.  Nicole is 4 months old.  She is going to be hungry.  She most definitely will not cooperate.  Another big breath for me.  If the pressure in her eye has come down we will start dropping eye drops.  If not she will be given oral medicine.  If that doesn't work it will be back to the operating room for more surgery. 
We are all very tired and very frustrated.  We are trying to stay positive but for now it's difficult.  On the bright side, Nicole is being such a trooper....always a smile on her gorgeous face! 

Now it's time for some much needed rest.  Will update soon!