Part 1 - The White Spot

Almost two months ago my most precious Nicole entered our lives.  She was perfect.  10 fingers, 10 toes, a head full of hair.  Big sister Lilia thought she was fantastic, helping with baths and diaper changes.  We were all very tired but seemed to have it all under control.  Everything was going great.

Then one night when she was 2 weeks old her Daddy was admiring her beautiful eyes.  And then he saw it.  The white spot.  I heard him call from the other room to come and see something.  I know my hubby.  He never makes a big deal out of anything unless he is truly worried.  And there it was.  The white spot.  The white spot in her eye that would change everything.  I don't know much about the eye but I knew this was not good.  Look closely.  You can see it in her right eye.

Of course it was evening so we had to wait till the morning to do anything about it.  I didn't put her down all night.  I cried almost all night.  When we signed up to store her stem cells I learned all about "the white spot".  The pamphlets were full of children with eye cancer who used their stem cells to fight it.  They all presented this way.  Thousands of thoughts raced through my mind all night.  I couldn't believe it.  We planned to go see our family doctor, but in the morning we decided to go straight downtown to SickKids Hospital.  Thankfully we were early enough that we didn't have to wait at all.  We were shuffled into a dark room where we sat and waited.  In walked a doctor.  Being a healthcare professional I knew to quickly scan her namebadge.  She was a first year resident.  Great.  She examined Nicole and said she saw no red reflex.  More bad news.  Then she sat next to me and asked me if I had ever heard of Retinoblastoma.  I couldn't believe it.  I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach.  Of course I had.  It was the dreaded word.  And she said it.  She said we would be referred to the Eye Clinic that day.  And then she left and my world crashed down around me.  A few minutes later a Staff doctor came in with an entourage of students.  Again, not good.  Usually  means you have something they don't see often and want to have a teaching opportunity.  He however did not use the R word.  He skirted the issue and said it was up to the Opthalmalogists to see what was going on.

Soon after we were walked over to the Eye Clinic.  When we got there the place was overflowing with people but we didn't wait long.  By early afternoon we had seen 2 doctors and had ultrasounds of Nicole's eyes.  When the U/S was completed the resident examined her eyes once more and said she would go get the Staff doctor.  I asked her if that was all she was going to say.  She said yes and that Dr. T would be right in.  I shot a glance to my husband.  Not good.  Dr. T walked in and again examined her eyes.  My heart was racing and then she said the magic C word.  Cataracts.  Nicole had a cataract. Mike and I shot a look to one another that spoke volumes.  Thank God.  Yes it sucked, and it would be a long road (heck I didn't know infants ever had cataracts).  But it wasn't life threatening.  Everything I had dreamed of for my 2 girls would still happen.  We were told that we were going to see a retinal specialist the next day and my little Nicole would be slotted in for surgery to remove the cataract.  Once the cataract was removed and her eye had healed we would begin the long road of placing a contact in her eye daily and patching her "good eye" to force the other to learn to see.  As it was explained to us, the brain will favor the eye that has better vision and the other eye will never have vision.  Dr. T told us we'd been spending a lot of time at the Eye Clinic.  Boy was she right.